Surviving Summer: How To Balance Parenting And Working During School Holidays

[00:00:34] Hey everyone! Welcome to The Digital Diet Podcast with me, your host, Marisha Pink, aka The Digital Diet Coach. It has been a while! It’s been about six or seven months, but we are back, and I’m so, so excited. It has been a really long break and, if you were listening to the podcast last year, before everything got a bit crazy and before I did a disappearing act, then you will know that there were some things going on. And there were some unexpected things that happened as well, which will explain this absence.

[00:01:05] So, in December I was intending to pre-record all my episodes for January because I was going to be away, and I wanted those to still be going out while I was away. And then I was going to pick up on things in February and keep everything going smoothly. And there is this saying that, ” if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans,” because that is exactly what happened.

[00:01:26] So in December, I was busy wrapping up the December episodes and my little dog, Luna – so I have a mini dachshund called Luna for anyone that’s new to the podcast – she was suddenly really, really ill. And long story short, she turned out to have IVDD, which is a degenerative spinal disorder that’s quite common in dachshunds because they have these really, really strange long bodies and these tiny, weeny little legs.

[00:01:51] She was not really herself. She was falling over. She couldn’t really run. Well, she couldn’t run at all. But she couldn’t walk and she seemed like she was in a bit of pain and she was disoriented. And so after lots of trips to the vet and eventually a trip to a specialist vet, she had an MRI and she had to have surgery. And that was the most insane time.

[00:02:12] I honestly don’t know how people with actual human being children or people who have relatives or close friends that fall sick deal with it, because I was a bit of a mess. I don’t mind admitting that. I was still working, so it was a very overwhelming period, let’s say, of trying to juggle all of the things and also make sure that she got what she needed and that she was going to recover well. And then also deciding whether I was going to take my trip or not because she needed to be on cage rest for a month after the surgery.

[00:02:42] Now, thankfully Luna is absolutely fine. In fact, she’s probably more crazy than she was before and it’s a massive relief. I also did take my trip. So again, if you were listening, you may remember that I was planning to head off to Tanzania and Zanzibar and I was going to be climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. Which I did! I didn’t make it quite to the top, I stopped about 250/300 metres shy of the peak, just down to sheer exhaustion. But I was really, really proud of myself. It was the most incredible experience.

[00:03:13] I got to see some amazing things. I saw the most beautiful sunrise, even though I wasn’t at the top. Have a few fantastic pictures, which is good, because I don’t remember a lot from that last night of the climb. You climb in the dark and you haven’t had anything to eat, you’ve had very little sleep, so it’s a really gruelling endurance test, for want of a better word. But it was still a really incredible experience. A really lovely trip that I got to have with my mum. And I’m so grateful that we got to have that time together, and that my dad was willing to look after Luna while I was gone.

[00:03:41] And then I came back and I was thrown back into work. If you’re new around these parts, I freelance, I work in advertising and marketing, so I was busy freelancing. And then it was time for another break and I know you’re not feeling sorry for me at all at this point. I went off to Bali for a couple of weeks which was just incredible. It’s a beautiful place, a lovely island. People are so friendly, the food is good, the weather was great. You can really get outside into nature and I just switched off for that time.

[00:04:11] So, it’s crazy because I’ve had a really incredible 6/7 months with lots of things going on and it almost doesn’t feel like that 6 or 7 months has gone by. And here we are, we’re back with the podcast. And I guess the takeaway from that, if there’s anything to be taken away, is really that I was just living my best life. Minus the surgery for Luna, but I was living my best life offline, which is what I always encourage you guys to do. That’s really what this entire podcast and the entire Digital Diet Coach ethos is about.

[00:04:44] It’s about taking the best bits of technology and using that to support and encourage you in areas that you want to invest your time, and your energy, and your attention into, in your life. And for me, that is travel, as you may have guessed. I want to be able to do my jobs well, but it’s really about travel and exploring the world, and meeting new people, and experiencing different cultures.

[00:05:06] And spending time with my dog and being out in nature, which I’m really grateful that she’s still able to do because, I’ll be honest, there was a point at which I was worried that she wasn’t going to be able to walk or she would need really extensive physical therapy to regain all of her motor skills. So, I’m really happy that we can still do that. I can still travel. Everything is good in the world and all of that time away has also given me a bit of time to reflect.

[00:05:31] It’s given me a chance to think about what I would like to do, not just with The Digital Diet Coach, but with the podcast specifically. And so, this is really what you can expect from the podcast. If you’re new around here, then I guess this is just an introduction. If you’ve been here before, welcome back! Thank you for sticking with me and thank you for bearing with me; here’s a little bit of an update.

[00:05:53] I would call it the podcast being the same plus upgrades. So you can expect the same deep dive into all the highs and the lows of living in the digital age as a woman. You can expect the same practical, actionable tips that are designed to help you balance your own technology use, so that it’s enhancing your life and not detracting from it.

[00:06:15] I’m keeping the weekly challenge. And we do that, for anyone that’s new around here, to make sure that you actually take action. I am the worst person, normally, at learning and gathering all of this knowledge and all of this information and being really fascinated by it, but then not actually doing anything with it to improve my life or enhance it in any way. So we have the weekly challenge, so that you can take away whatever we’ve been talking about and actually try to implement something that will enhance your digital wellbeing.

[00:06:44] And the upgrade is we’re going to start talking about slightly broader health and wellness topics. Not massively far away from what we’ve been talking about, and there will always still be some relation to technology and how it’s used within those topics. But I know that I’ve been focusing a lot on lots of different ways in which I can continue to optimise my life.

[00:07:07] As you may know, if you’ve been listening for a while, I am a massive self-help, personal development, growth, whatever you want to call it, addict. And I really, really love looking at things that can grow my mind and expand all different areas of myself; my emotional self, my mental self, and even my physical self now. I’m a fully converted gym rat after preparing for my Kilimanjaro climb.

[00:07:29] So I want to share all of those other things that I am learning about and that I’m seeing, and I want to bring them to you here on the podcast. And I think it’s relevant because the whole digital wellbeing and the digital balance, and being mindful about your technology use is really only one part of the equation. The whole point of regaining control from your devices and being intentional about where you put your time, and your attention, and your energy is to be able to put it into things that bring you joy and to put it into things that will improve your life in some way.

[00:08:03] And I really want to be able to talk about those things and talk about, well, if you’re not spending three hours on social media a day and you got that three hours back, what could you be doing? What does that look like? Because I think there’s as much inspiration in a cautionary tale, as there is in seeing how people are really making the most of the time that we have on this planet, and making the most of what’s out there and optimising their health and their wellbeing. That too can be inspirational.

[00:08:30] So I want to talk about that a little bit more and not necessarily just from myself, although I like to think that I try to practice what I preach, but that’s where the other upgrade comes in. So the other upgrade is wanting to have some very special guests. And I’m slowly, slowly working on that in the background. It’s not going to happen for a couple of episodes probably, but I want to bring you some people that have some interesting stories to tell and some ideas to share.

[00:08:56] I want to bring you some experts on some of the topics that we are yet to discuss, as well as topics that we’ve already discussed. Because I’m not an expert on everything. It’s impossible to be; digital wellness is so huge as a topic. So I can kind of scratch the surface and I can give some general guidance, and there are some topics I can go really deeply on, but I really want you to be able to have the benefit of that expertise.

[00:09:16] So I’m trying to work on bringing some of these special guests, these experts in, so that we can have a deeper conversation so that you can get deeper insight. And also because, let’s be honest, you don’t want to listen to me every single week talking to myself. I think we can have better conversations if there’s more than one person.

[00:09:34] So that’s what you can expect if you stick around with the podcast, and as before, I’m going to try to keep the episodes to once a week. I’ve played around in the background with some of my production process to try and make that happen, so that it should happen consistently and mitigate any extenuating circumstances like Luna deciding to be sick and needing surgery again.

[00:09:53] So, here we are. We’re back. This is Episode 27 and today we are going to be talking about how to balance your work and your parenting responsibilities during the summer holidays. I know the summer holidays vary a little bit from country to country, but it is peak summer holiday season in the UK right now.

[00:10:13] Full disclosure, I myself am not a parent, but I am surrounded by friends and family with young kids. I’m surrounded by parents who are single mums or single parents, and it’s tough. It’s tough even if you’re two parents, but it’s even more tough if you don’t have the support from family members or you can’t afford to pay for additional support in the form of a nanny or an au pair. If you don’t have a partner who’s there and who’s supportive, or you have a partner that’s there and they’re just not supportive.

[00:10:45] There are so many different scenarios, we don’t need to go into all of them. But that’s the topic of conversation with lots and lots of my friends and some of my family members over the last couple of weeks. Because you typically get six weeks of summer holidays. Let’s say you take two weeks of annual leave, where you’re actually not working, if you can pull yourself away from work. But you’re not working, you’re actually going to spend time with your children, spend time with your family. Maybe you’re going to go away somewhere.

[00:11:13] You might put the kids into a camp for two weeks, maybe. And then typically there’s about two weeks of just juggling act, where you are, in inverted commas, “working from home” or sharing the responsibility with your partner, and one of you’s at home, one of you’s going to work. And the kids are just kind of in the house, and you’re sort of hoping that they’ll entertain themselves. And maybe they do if they’re a bit older, but if they’re younger they really are expecting you to engage with them because you’re home, and as far as they’re concerned, if you’re home then you’re there to be with them.

[00:11:43] So there’s really a couple of challenges with this because how do you make sure that you’re actually getting your work done? How do you make sure that you’re hitting your deadlines, that you’re being present in the meetings that you have to go to, and that caring for your kids isn’t compromising your work?

[00:11:59] But at the same time, how do you make sure that your kids are stimulated and they’re not just glued to an iPad for two weeks? Because, given half the chance, loads of kids would probably just do that quite happily. And there’s a third issue, which is really, well, how do you do all of that without losing your mind and feeling completely overwhelmed or completely run down to the point where you stop enjoying the experience?

[00:12:22] And I know from talking to some of the mums that I have in my circle of friends that this is really the crux of it. It feels like a balancing act during term time as it is when the kids are at school or they’re at nursery for a portion of that time. But really during the summer holidays that juggling act takes on a whole new meaning and a whole life of its own.

[00:12:42] And so it got me thinking about why this really happens in the first place, right? Why are women put in this situation where they’re having to make compromises, or feeling like they’re stretched or overstretched, and can’t effectively do either of those two very important roles; one being their actual job role and one being the role of a parent?

[00:13:00] And I think the first reason is that, well, quite frankly, annual leave entitlement just isn’t enough. And we’re quite lucky in the UK, I think on average people get somewhere between 20 and 25 days. You’ll get the bank holidays off, of which there are usually eight, more if we have some kind of special event happening like a royal wedding or something like that,and they’re spread out throughout the year. So you could somehow, maybe make that work a little bit, but it’s still not a lot, if you really think about it.

[00:13:29] And if you’re somewhere like the US, well, then you get two weeks, I think, for the whole year. Which is, what, ten days? That’s definitely not enough. So you’re definitely gonna find yourself in that juggling position if you are not able to find alternative arrangements for your kids. And maybe you don’t even want to. Maybe you want to spend that time with your kids.

[00:13:48] The second issue is really that the pay that we receive isn’t enough. We already know that there’s a gender pay gap. I’m not gonna go into that here. But when you consider all the other things that we have to pay for, when you consider all of the taxation that happens, and then you consider the expense that is summer camps, or having care from a childminder, or a nanny, or an au pair, there’s not really very much left. It’s one of the reasons why so many women end up not going back to work because it actually doesn’t financially make sense.

[00:14:21] So when you’re then confronted with this six week holiday, which by the way is just one of the school holidays that happens throughout the year. There’s obviously Easter holidays, which are normally around two weeks. There’s two half terms in October and February. We’re really talking about ten weeks of time where you need to find care for your child.

[00:14:40] And so even if you are lucky enough to have a partner or have the support, and let’s say you split it between you, it’s still five weeks of time apiece where your child needs looking after. And even if you are able to take that time off, let’s say you have a very understanding employer, it’s likely that you’ll be able to take that time off and it will be unpaid, which doesn’t help the situation because it also still costs money. Kids are quite demanding these days.

[00:15:05] There are lots of things you can do at home that don’t cost money, sure. But you want to be able to enjoy that time. You want to be able to give your kids those experiences, give them those memories, if you’re going to take the time off to spend with them and not get paid for it. So these are two really big issues that are, I guess, related to the way that we work and the way that work is set up in our lives these days.

[00:15:24] There’s also some emotional factors here because you’re likely ambitious, you’re likely career-minded, and you really care about doing your work well and care about the perception of being a team player. So you want to make sure that you’re doing your job. You want to make sure that you’re not being viewed as not contributing towards a team in the same way or not prioritising your work, even though that may be unrealistic.

[00:15:48] And in the summer holidays, you’re probably also covering other people being off, whether they’re off to take care of their own kids or whether they’re off having a summer holiday. And on top of that, you’re probably also doing extra work so that when you actually take time off, there’s not as much for your colleagues or your co-workers to have to pick up on in your absence. So it’s really this perfect storm of having more work compressed into a shorter amount of time.

[00:16:16] And then when you add to that the fact that you obviously care about your kids. You know that screen time all day isn’t good for them. You want them to be able to enjoy their holidays, but you want them to play, you want them to learn, and all that good stuff. And you know that they will not necessarily choose that for themselves, because they’ll just pick up an iPad or want to sit in front of Disney+ and just watch Moana back to back.

[00:16:40] So in order to make sure that they play and they learn and they do all that good stuff, you have to be present. You have to be there overseeing what they’re doing. You have to be there directing the fun, and encouraging the fun, and encouraging the learning. Otherwise they’re going to default to all those other things.

[00:16:55] And in trying to essentially have it all, so trying to make sure that you are this absolute badass at work, trying to make sure that you’re a rockstar mum, and then being stretched and pulled in so many different directions, a lot of women end up with mum guilt. Because something’s got to give, and at some point, a compromise will be made. And what that usually looks like is you feeling bad when you do things for your kids that are actually in your best interests and not in theirs.

[00:17:24] Things like trying to give yourself 30 minutes of peace to work on a presentation or take a phone call by giving them the iPad, even though you know that they’ve already had the iPad for three hours. And there’s a tremendous amount of guilt wrapped up in that, but it’s a coping mechanism, and it’s a very common coping mechanism as well, if you talk to other mums and other parents.

[00:17:44] And that’s really why I decided to talk about this on today’s episode, because those, as I said, are the conversations that I have been having in my circle of friends and in my family over the last couple of weeks of the summer holidays. I’ve seen my sister-in-law post this absolutely brilliant meme of Maya Rudolph, who’s a comedian and actor, with crazy mad hair, looking super stressed out, with a caption that basically said, “This is me three days in with two kids. Please send help.”

[00:18:12] I’ve had a cousin of mine who is a single parent, a busy lawyer, having to deal with nine cases that are going to court, having to manage things because her boss is absent for health reasons, having to do extra work because she’s about to take a two week holiday, all trying to entertain my nephew.

[00:18:29] So, one is really stressed out already and one is completely overstretched and being pulled in too many directions. And then I’ve also sat round the dinner table and listened to my friend talk about how overwhelmed she is trying to forward plan all these camps and these activities and play dates, and then plan and pack for the summer holiday that they’re taking, and then manage the drop offs and the pick ups to two different places for two different kids, alongside all of the normal meetings and reports and presentations that she has to do for her job.

[00:19:00] And that’s saying nothing about the other mental load that all mums carry in terms of running the household and just being 5 million steps ahead of everyone else, and trying to think and be able to tell dad what to do as well. This is not an indictment of dads, there are amazing dads, even the dads that I’m thinking of here are amazing dads. But it’s just often women and mothers who are carrying that mental load, and having to figure out everything for everyone and stay on top of everything, including their own work.

[00:19:29] And so what really happens is that the summer holiday is a holiday for everyone_ except for mums_. So I wanted to take some time today to think through how you can make the summer holidays as painless as possible. It’s probably going to be a little bit painful, I’ll be honest with you. But these are some of the things that I have been discussing with these family and friends that I’ve mentioned, and my advice to them in terms of how to navigate the summer holidays, particularly the period where you may be working and also caring for your kids at the same time.

[00:19:58] And this is one of those rare occasions, well not entirely rare, but one of those rare occasions where I think that technology can actually help. So here is what I would do.

[00:20:07] Number one, I would communicate and be transparent with your team and with your family. It’s amazing the number of people that don’t do this and just sort of struggle silently in the background. You need to let your boss and your colleagues know that you’re juggling. And if you do that then they can of course be more supporting, and more forgiving, and more realistic with their expectations of you and your work for whatever period that you are trying to do the juggling act.

[00:20:35] They can make adjustments, where possible and where necessary, and that can look different for different people. Maybe you need more flexible working hours. Maybe you need to minimise meetings or you need to replace video call meetings with calls. Or you need to be able to just not turn your camera on in companies where they’re sort of trying to enforce that a bit more. People can’t help you with what they don’t know is happening. So the first thing is really about communicating with your team.

[00:21:01] But I think it’s also important that you let your kids know what’s up. And obviously this is going to depend on how old they are, how well they’re able to understand what it is you’re explaining to them. But preparing them in advance can help avoid that inevitable meltdown when they don’t get their way or they think that plans are being changed on them unexpectedly. Or they really, really want your attention and really, really want your company and you’re just not able to give it to them.

[00:21:27] And if you are struggling, if you’re finding yourself in the thick of things, then don’t be afraid to speak up. I think so many women still feel that there is a stigma attached to showing any form of vulnerability in the workplace. It’s not a sign of weakness. I think you can own whatever situation you find yourself in and then work together with your employer, and your colleagues, and your team to practically find a solution that’s going to work for everyone and allow everything that needs to get done to get done, and also allow you to show up for your family.

[00:21:56] The second thing I would do is create a structured schedule. And I know that this seems like more work, but hear me out. Because if you fail to prepare, then you’re preparing to fail. You need to treat this like having an intern or a work experience student with you for the week. And if you’ve ever had someone work shadow or follow you around then you know that you kind of need to plan routines or plan out what their week’s going to look like, so that they actually get the experience of the workplace.

[00:22:25] They get to observe some things and absorb them by osmosis just by being present in certain meetings or kind of sitting alongside you, but they also have meetings with other people in other departments to understand how an entire organisation functions, and what the different people there do. So if you treat it in the same way, you need to try and plan daily routines around the needs of both your work day and the needs of your kids.

[00:22:48] You need to think about including blocks of time for work, blocks of time for play, some for learning, and even some for screen time. So, for example, you can allocate specific hours for doing work and attending meetings or calls. You can allocate specific time for outdoor play or creative activities, which is usually code for mess because it’s going to involve paint and all sorts of other fun things. And then a bit of time for screen time.

[00:23:16] And this is really about embodying flexible working. You need to figure out what works for you and what works for your kids. So what works for the type of job that you do and what works for the needs of your children? When is their energy high? When is it low? When are they napping? When are they most likely to want to eat? And it’s just for a few weeks. But the point of having this structure is that it should hopefully address everyone’s needs, or at least try to, and avoid you overworking.

[00:23:43] Because you haven’t planned and everything that could go wrong went wrong during the day. And then you’re spending that time, when you’re already exhausted and absolutely overwhelmed, trying to catch up on everything once your kids have gone to bed. And I think that the way to approach this is to think about what things you can group together for maximum flexibility and focus in your day.

[00:24:03] So, for example, you might have a block in your diary for calls or meetings, so that you’re not constantly switching between periods where your kids can and can’t interrupt you or you need them to be quiet, or be quieter. Or you’re not running between activities with them and abruptly cutting them short because you’ve got a Teams call starting in 60 seconds.

[00:24:24] And then think about what your kids will be doing during that time. So you might want to opt for quieter activities or even screen time during those blocks because that’s probably going to minimise disruption. So that’s a sensible way to think about it. And routines are great because they help kids understand what to expect and when they can look forward to their screen time, in particular, or they can look forward to playing with you and it just manages their expectations.

[00:24:51] I don’t know if anybody watches The Kardashians? I am a self-confessed reality TV junkie. But Khloe Kardashian has all series, the series is finished now, but she’s been talking a lot about the discipline and the routine that she has with her kids, and how that helps maintain an orderly household. And Kim has been complaining about how everybody in her house is running riot and has finally tried to implement some sort of routine, and has magically seen everything change overnight.

[00:25:16] It’s not a magic bullet, it’s not a fix all, but I do think it will help set expectations for your kids. It will help you feel like you’re more in control of your time. So create the schedule and then print it out and put it on the fridge or somewhere where everyone can see it, including the kids.

[00:25:32] This doesn’t have to be fancy, guys. You can make it in your normal calendar and just block out the time and then print it off. You can make it in Excel, make it in a Word document, in a PowerPoint, whatever you find easiest. It doesn’t have to be anything sexy, it just needs to really clearly show what’s happening when.

[00:25:48] And then you can also use visual timers or clocks to help your kids understand how long they have for their different activities. So if your kids can tell time, then that’s a bit easier because you can just add times. You can think about putting countdown clocks or countdown timers on a digital device, like on an iPad. So they know they’ve got half an hour and then after the alarm goes off, then they can come and maybe knock on your office door or come to the dining table, wherever you may be working, for the next activity.

[00:26:18] And that can help them transition smoothly between tasks if they’re a bit older, which means you don’t have to intervene each time. But it also just helps manage expectations, because there’s nothing worse than kids coming up to you and going, “I’m bored, how long do I have to do this for? I don’t want to do it anymore,” if they can very clearly see, and obviously they have to be old enough to understand, but they can very clearly see how much longer is left for an activity.

[00:26:41] And if you’ve already thought about how all the time is going to be broken up. And you’ve thought about when you’re going to allow your kids to have screen time. Then that will reduce your own feelings of guilt about fobbing them off with the iPad when you need just 10 minutes to yourself, or you need 30 minutes for a meeting, and having this guilty feeling around seemingly giving them unlimited screen time, which we know is not good for them.

[00:27:03] I always use an online Pomodoro timer. So the Pomodoro method is a method for focus and productivity. You work in short bursts and then you have a short break. I will put a link in the show notes to the timer that I use. It’s just online and you can set how long you want the working periods to be and how long you want the breaks to be. You can actually list out the tasks that you want to do. So you could use that for the kids or for yourself. You could say, this is a play block, this is a screen time block, this is a learning block, whatever it might be, and then they can tick the tasks off.

[00:27:36] So it kind of also gamifies it a little bit. It’s not a very exciting-looking platform, but it just allows everyone to clearly see, okay, in this block, this is what you’re going to be doing. And then this is how long you’ve got to do it. And you can see the timer and there’s a little alarm that goes off when it’s finished. And then there’s a little period of a break. And it’s probably not a terrible idea, because it means that you will take regular breaks from your work as well, which you should be doing anyway.

[00:27:59] Now when you’re planning out this schedule, it can’t just be the same, same, same, same, same. You need to get creative and you need to mix it up. Everyone knows that attention spans are limited in adults, if not in children. And you really want to avoid that, “Mummy, I’m bored,” and, “Mummy, I don’t like this,” and, “Mummy, this is not what I want to do,” or, “I want this other thing. When am I going to do this?”

[00:28:20] You really want to make it so that your kids are stimulated. Now that doesn’t mean you have to give them 50 different things to do, because that would honestly be overwhelming for a kid, but it would probably be really overwhelming for you trying to figure out how to schedule that. But you do need to think about providing multiple activities a day, one of which can be screen time, and activities that use different skills and challenge kids in different ways.

[00:28:45] So some of those things might be craft and creative projects because those can be really fun. You can set up little craft stations where kids can engage in different arts and crafts and use paints, or use glue and cardboard, papier mâché, whatever it might be. They can build little models. They can do colouring. They can do drawing. And all you really need to do is provide the materials, and if it’s something a bit more complicated, you can give them easy to follow instructions, so that their interest is held. So especially if they’re building a model or something like that, you might find some instructions online.

[00:29:19] And I think that this generation of children has just not grown up with it, which is why they maybe don’t appreciate it as much and they always want the iPad, because kids are on iPads from the moment that they’re out of the womb. But I know as a kid, those were some of my favourite moments and my favourite memories of the summer holidays.

[00:29:36] We used to build dens out of the sofa cushions, or make kind of a tent in the house out of the dining table chairs and an old bed sheet. We used to make things with old cardboard boxes that came from the supermarket and toilet roll, you know, the toilet roll centre. I don’t know what they’re called, the bit in the middle. And do papier mâché, like I said, and paint. And there’s a lot of fun that can be had in creativity. So, think about what you can provide to your child and let them go wild with it.

[00:30:04] You might also want to think about outdoor activities. Obviously weather permitting, I know that the weather can be a bit temperamental. But you really want to try and encourage outdoor play as much as you can. Now, if you’re fortunate enough to have a garden, then that’s great, because you know that the kids are safe, and they are in an enclosed area. And if you don’t, then maybe you want to think about how you can allow them to play immediately outside your house, which I also did as a kid, a lot, and I think kids don’t really do as much anymore. Or to be able to go to a nearby park.

[00:30:34] You can just let them play freely. Obviously, in the park there’s equipment. Maybe you have equipment in your garden, like a swing or something. But you can also be more creative with it. You can set up scavenger hunts around the garden. You can have backyard camping. You could give them a little paddling pool and some water guns, and let them have water play.

[00:30:54] I was actually visiting a friend yesterday. There were loads of kids round there and it was so hot and we just had this big paddling pool and lots of things, and the kids were loving it splashing about in the water. You might want a ball pit or just other things outdoors. So if your kids can ride a bike, maybe they’ll want to ride their bike, or roller blade, or just play with a skipping rope.

[00:31:13] You just want them to get that vitamin D in, and you want them to get some fresh air. It will also tire them out, that’s a little trick. But essentially, being outdoors and being with nature and all these activities, not only do they provide physical exercise, but they do stimulate that creativity and exploration, and it’s just good for them. Kids are not outdoors enough.

[00:31:35] I remember being in Bali and being so astounded that the kids that I would see running around would not be on phones or on tablets. They were riding bikes with each other, and the best thing was they were flying kites. They all had these kites that they’d made. It’s kite season, it’s very windy at the moment. And you would just see kites being flown over the rice fields in loads of different places that I travelled to around Bali. And it was just the most amazing thing to see.

[00:32:01] So, there are lots of different options. I even remember when I was a kid we had a little, I think it was from Ikea, we had this little pop-up tent that we used to put up and then we got a tunnel for it. And we would just sit in the tent, go through the tunnel, sit in the tent, go through the tunnel. It wasn’t even that exciting but we could do that for hours.

[00:32:19] And my cousin and I, we used to make this assault course in the garden that we called Brownies and Scouts. This is before I actually became a Brownie, but this is what we thought Brownies and Scouts used to do. And we used to have a broom that we would put over two garden chairs, and we would do over and under. And then we would jump through the swing or you’d sit on the swing and you’d have to swing backwards and forwards 5 times. I think there was maybe an upturned bucket and a mop, and you’d have to like do a slalom around them with a ball. And we would make this and we would literally go round and round and round and round and round, all day long. Until we got called in for dinner time.

[00:32:57] I think if we provide kids with those opportunities to explore and be creative in their play and to be outdoors, they’ll take advantage of it. But if we don’t teach them that there are alternatives to being on an iPad all day or to watching Disney+ or watching Netflix, then they’re not going to learn that. It’s just not the environment that kids are growing up in these days.

[00:33:15] You might also want to think about learning activities. And this is probably a product of my ethnic parenting, but I remember that we would not usually be allowed to play until we’d done something educational. So that might look like having a math exercise book or a brain teaser book. Might have been a really simple science experiment. We used to have a book about little science experiments. I seem to remember putting an egg in some water and putting salt in the water until the egg floated.

[00:33:43] It might be having creative writing story prompts and asking kids to write a story. It could be reading something from the encyclopaedia or picking something from the encyclopaedia and then writing about it and teaching it back. And some of it is obviously more boring than others.

[00:34:00] So the math stuff wasn’t that fun, to be honest with you. The science experiments I found more fun, so it’s no surprise I turned out to be a science geek. Same with the creative writing. Didn’t really enjoy the encyclopaedia that much, but I guess if you picked something that your kid was really into, then they might find that a bit more interesting to learn about. So, a learning activity is also good for keeping the brain stimulated in the summer holidays, so that going back to school in September is not such a shock.

[00:34:24] You might want to whip out different skill or multiplayer games, so puzzles, board games, card games. I don’t know if anybody remembers Jacks, where they used to have these little metal or plastic crosses and a little bouncy ball, and you had to pick up one, and then you had to pick up two at a time. Anyway, I’m sure some of you know what I’m talking about. But these are all little things that we did before there were screens.

[00:34:47] And if your kids are a bit older, maybe you even want to let them get creative in the kitchen. So you might want to let them bake a cake from scratch from a recipe book or bake cupcakes with one of those little kits. Or cook something really simple like pasta and make a little sauce and grate the cheese. And obviously you want to oversee their use of the oven or use of any utensils that might have sharp blades, if they’re cutting. But it’s something that they can do and it’s a bit fun and a bit creative.

[00:35:14] So, I’ve just given you tons of ideas and there are a million more ideas on the internet. I’m always sending Instagram accounts to my sister-in-law and to my friends with these random activities that I see mums coming up with. Mums are honestly the best when it comes to creating things. But there are also worksheets and instructions or tutorials for activities on blogs on the internet. You can download templates and printables from Canva and Etsy and yes, even on YouTube, there are videos that your kids can follow along. So I will put a link to a couple in the show notes so that you have some inspiration. But honestly, a quick Google and you’ll find loads of things that you can do.

[00:35:53] Another thing that you can think about doing is involving your kids in your work tasks. So, remember when I said that you should treat them like an intern? This is kind of what I meant. Kids don’t always understand work, especially if they’re very young. My cousin, who is the lawyer I was talking about before, says that her son seems to think that she’s always working.

[00:36:13] He is an only child, so he doesn’t have a brother or sister to play with or always have his cousins around to play with. And he doesn’t necessarily understand that she has a busy job that means she can’t always give him the attention that he wants and needs. And what you really need to do in circumstances like this, and what I’ve discussed with her before, is explain to your child what you’re doing, and somehow, someway involve them in what you’re doing. Then you can stop them from resenting work as something that takes you away from them, and makes them feel like they’re not important.

[00:36:45] Now, obviously we’re talking about age appropriate tasks, we’re not talking about child labour here. You want to assign really simple, age appropriate tasks for children in your working day. So that might look like organising files or doing printing or photocopying for you, if anybody still does that. It might be preparing materials for events like a goodie bag. It might be addressing postage labels or sticking on stamps. It could be proofreading. It could be sorting through CVs or resumes by skills. Might even be making the tea. Come on, we’ve all done it as an intern or a work experience person!

[00:37:20] And if none of that works, you can also do false tasks, especially for smaller kids. So, you can make up a task and pretend that it’s important for your work. That might look like counting the number of times that a word appears in a page or in a document. It might just mean mixing up multicoloured paper and asking your child to sort the paper into different piles by each colour.

[00:37:43] It might be looking at different designs and writing down which ones they like and explaining why or why not. It might be watching talent showreels and picking their favourite one for a casting that you’re doing. It doesn’t matter. You can, again, with the benefit of preparation, come up with a couple of false tasks for your kid.

[00:38:04] And then you can make this block of time into family working time. So instead of it being, “Well, Mummy’s got to go and work, and you can’t disturb her and you can’t interrupt her,” you can create this family working hour as one of your blocks, where everyone is engaged in their respective tasks. And you set up a designated workspace, and the kids have their own stations and their own activities, and you have your own workspace. And you focus on the things that you need to focus on in that time. And that just encourages this productive environment for everyone.

[00:38:35] Now we’ve touched on it a few times and I know that it’s tough. So I’m not going to say don’t use screen time at all. What I am going to say is use screen time wisely and use it sparingly. Screen time doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It gets a bad rap. It’s just that the quality of that screen time is probably more important than the quantity. And more often than not, the quality is poor and the quantity is high.

[00:38:59] Now, the guidance from the American Academy of Pediatrics says that if your child is under two, they should probably be aiming for zero screen time, except for video chatting with family or friends, or maybe educational programming with one of their caregivers.

[00:39:14] For children that are aged between two and five, again, the advice is to limit non-educational screen time to around about an hour per weekday, and three hours on the weekends. And if your kid is between 5 and 17 years old, so approaching adulthood, generally again, no more than 2 hours a day, except for homework.

[00:39:33] So when we talk about quality, what do we mean? Well, we mean educational content. So when you’re allowing screen time, make sure that you are aware of what your child is watching and that you’re choosing high quality educational programmes, or they’re using high quality educational apps that will actually promote the learning and development of skills appropriate for their age.

[00:39:53] And there are millions of apps and millions of shows that have been developed and are designed to be both engaging and educational. So if you pick the right ones, then your kid shouldn’t even feel like it’s something that is just for education. It should be something that they enjoy. I know, for example, my nephew really loves Numberblocks, which I think is on YouTube and also on BBC, and has learnt a tremendous amount about maths from doing it. But he voluntarily will ask to watch Numberblocks. He doesn’t think that that’s educational, it’s fun for him.

[00:40:23] I would also try to look at options where whatever’s happening on screen is interactive. So opting for interactive activities where kids can engage in problem-solving or in storytelling or educational games, rather than passive viewing. So it might be crosswords, it might be sudoku. And yes, you can get all of those things offline. But if you happen to have an app that they’re using or a website that has little quizzes that test general knowledge and teach them things, it’s a better use of their screen time than if you were to just plonk them in front of a regular show or a movie.

[00:40:57] That said, it is okay to have some fun. The kids are on summer holidays, after all. So it’s fine to let them watch their favourite movies or watch their favourite shows, as long as it’s not for hours and hours and hours for the entire two weeks, or even the entire six weeks of the summer holidays.

[00:41:15] And it’s just important that you know what your child is watching. There are appropriate platforms and apps like YouTube Kids, specifically for kids. There are parental controls that you can use to block inappropriate content. And you can even set screen time limits so that your kids don’t spend too much time, especially when you yourself maybe are going to get caught up in your own work and lose track of the time.

[00:41:37] So, ideally, you would have these things in place. You would make sure that you know what your child is watching, and that you’ve got these controls and the screen time limit set up. But also, try and have your kids use the device where you can at least see the screen or you can overhear what they’re watching, if they’re not using headphones because you don’t want the sound to disturb you from work. So that you know exactly what they’re doing.

[00:41:59] My last suggestion for a block is setting up playdates and social activities. And again, this might seem fairly obvious, but it came from a conversation over dinner with one of my friends who was talking about the dads in one of the parent groups of the school where her kid goes, who had been put in charge of holiday scheduling by his wife, and was trying to arrange playdates and socials with the other parents.

[00:42:24] And he had basically put out almost like a calendar and said these are the dates and times that he’s looking to, I don’t want to say palm his kid off on someone else, but essentially that’s what it was. And then these were the times that he was available to provide care in return for another kid.

[00:42:40] It’s not a bad idea, right? It takes a village to raise a kid, as they say. Think about scheduling playdates. Arrange playdates with other children that are around a similar age to your child and that gives them social interaction. It will reduce their reliance on screens. And those playdates can include anything from just doing joint activities together, to trips to the parks, or museums where kids are actually leaving the house. Or it can just be going over to someone else’s house to give you a break and give you time to focus on important tasks that you maybe need to do for work.

[00:43:12] And I think the important thing here is to remember to reciprocate. Because the second part of that story that my friend was telling me is that this dad had so much time that he was looking to palm his kid off on other people or on other parents, and was probably offering like a day and a half’s worth of time where he could look after another kid.

[00:43:34] So you don’t want to be that parent because I can guarantee you, you will not be invited to participate in the play date schedule next summer, if you do that. So make sure you try to get a balance between what you’re able to offer other parents, as well as taking advantage of what they’re able to offer you.

[00:43:51] And outside of that, there are also community events and soft play that can offer that social interaction and stimulation for your kids. And it’s always worth exploring what local community events or classes are on near you that might interest your children. There are usually summer workshops, there are library programmes. I know I’ve seen some posters in my local library.

[00:44:13] And the great thing about these is that they’re local, so you don’t have to go very far. It doesn’t involve also figuring out the travel time and getting kids in and out of the car, you usually can walk. These activities can also keep kids engaged and offer them new experiences outside of what they would normally be doing at home or what you might take them to.

[00:44:31] And while they’re not like a full on summer camp, because you actually still need to be there. You can’t usually drop your kids off and then go off and do something else. Even though you have to be there, sometimes there’s a little viewing gallery or a little coffee shop where you can sit and work. Even if it’s just managing your email correspondence or reviewing documents, while your kids are supervised and entertained by whoever’s leading the programme or the workshop. So it’s also a little breather for you, just to know that you can take your eye off them and that someone else is watching them.

[00:45:02] So hopefully you found these tips helpful and they will help you to survive the summer holidays without defaulting to watching Moana five times a day. And also make sure that you can effectively manage your kids’ screen time, while also balancing your own professional responsibilities, and not ending up with tremendous mum guilt and tearing your hair out.

[00:45:21] I will admit, it does take a bit of planning and a bit of preparation. And of course, what you choose to do and how much supervision is required is going to depend on your kids. It’s going to depend on how old they are, how many of them you have, the things that they like to do, as well as the demands of your personal job and what’s expected of you at any given time.

[00:45:41] But I do think that it can be done or at least it can be better than just waking up and rolling with it and hoping for the best. You just need to try and tailor some of these suggestions to fit with your personal circumstances. And to help you do that, here is this week’s challenge.

[00:45:56] If you are a parent, your challenge is to create a schedule for one day that keeps your kids stimulated, keeps your work on track, and keeps your sanity intact. So to do that, you want to review your working week. Pick a day; just one day, I’m not asking you to plan the whole week. But pick a day and then get planning using this idea of creating different blocks.

[00:46:19] See how much time you can allocate before you have to schedule screen time because you might actually not even need it at all. And then if you do need to include screen time, think about how you can make sure that it’s quality time by filling it with educational or interactive content, instead of Moana for the 700th time.

[00:46:37] If you don’t have parenting responsibilities, then this is a soft re-introduction to the podcast. You are off the hook for this week; there’s no weekly challenge for you. But if you do decide to take up the challenge, then I would love to hear how you got on. I would love to hear whether this helped, whether this actually was more stressful, whether your kids enjoyed the activities that you planned, whether you felt that you were able to be in control of your working day.

[00:47:01] And the place to let me know about your experience is in The Digital Diet Lounge, which is my dedicated community space for all things digital wellness and women. I will put a link to it in the show notes, but it’s a lovely space. It doesn’t have any ads. It doesn’t have any bots. It doesn’t have any fake people. It’s just lots and lots of loveliness. And it’s a place where you can find like-minded women.

[00:47:23] The show notes for today’s episode can be found over on my website at thedigitaldietcoach.com/027. And as I said, I will put some links to some of those activities and templates and all that good stuff there, as well as the Pomodoro app link for the countdown timer. So you’ll find all of that goodness there if you go to that link.

[00:47:45] It’s really good to be back with you and I’ve really enjoyed this episode, so I’m looking forward to getting back into the groove of things and putting out some more episodes over the coming weeks and months.

[00:47:55] And I know I’ve been away for a long time, and I know that you’re busy and that your time is incredibly valuable. So, as always, I really want to thank you for choosing to spend a little bit of your day with me, and I will see you next time.